www.RamblingBarba.com

Picture that made me Ramble

I found this on Knox McCoy’s blog.

Blogs that caused me to Ramble

Holy Soup-Bible illiteracy is not the problem.

Jon Acuff’s Blog-Do you have to be as tech-savvy as your kids?

Confessions of a Funeral Director-What we learned at church about emotions isn’t true.

The Church of No People-Jesus gets His license revoked

Subversive1-Looks like God is for the Loosers

Articles that had me Rambling 

Huffington Post-One of the obligatory Steve Jobs posts. Was he a philanthropist?

Yahoo News-9 things you didn’t know about Steve Jobs.

Books that caused me to Ramble 

If My Body is a Temple, Then I was a Megachurch-by Scott Davis-Comical author-read audio book about loosing 132lbs.

31 Days to Finding Your Blogging Mojo-by Bryan Allain-If you write a blog or want to, read this funny, yet practical guide.

Jesus and The Bachelorette-by Knox McCoy-An analogy between Jesus and the popular, albeit horrific TV series.

Quote that made me Ramble

The fact of the human condition is that we are all more the villain than the hero…-

Luther the Werewolf from Night of the Living Dead Christian

Video that made me Ramble

This video was posted on Jesus Needs New PR.

Don’t forget to check out the rest of Rambling with the Barba.

What’s got you rambling this week?

Nailed it.

I don’t even want talk about “thou shall not Kill.” It is really difficult to draw a homicide in a cartoon-y way. The smiles and the blood just look fake. Just kidding. I’m just glad the artist went with the “adultery in your heart” version of this and not the Mary Magdeline version.

I will tell you this cartoon made me think of time I spend with God and whether I have someone or something else on my mind or not.

Which commandment do you think would be the hardest to draw as a cartoon?

“No, why?”

“Then you don’t know about the wreck,” he says.

What?!

If you know me or have been reading my blog then you may know about my open-heart surgery in December, 2010. You can catch up here and here, if you want.

Learning to Lean.

What you may not know is that just two months later my wife was hit by a Toyota Landcruiser while riding on the back of the motorcycle. By hit, I mean a direct hit to her thigh just above the knee, shattering her femur. That was February 18^th, 2011.

Learning to Lean.

When I received the news I didn’t even have permission to drive yet. Luckily (total sarcasm here) our car was broken down. Still is (another story for another day). A deluge of thoughts and emotions flooded my brain at once. A panic snowball rolled through my chest stretching my scar.

Why didn’t she call me? Is she alive? Is she hurt? Is Saúl alive (he was driving)? Maybe he can’t call. Is he hurt? Where is she?*heavy breathing* I gotta tell the kids. I don’t know what to tell them.  What do I need to do next? Is she alive?  How am I going to get to the where she is? Is she alive? *bead of sweat falls from my forehead*Why didn’t she call me? Maybe she couldn’t. Is Saúl alive? Did she get hurt? Oh God, I can’t raise these kids without her. Are they trying to kill me? What do I need to do next?

Learning to Lean.

Justin told me that they were both alive and that Christie was in route to the hospital. I called her phone and she answered it. I got a ride to the hospital in time to watch my wife suffer through the next 7. Horrific. Hours in pain.

Gruesome looking Plate with Screws

After surgery and the placement of a gruesome looking plate and screws, we began searching the internet. We wanted to know what to expect in recovery. It turns out smashing a femur is bad. Yeah, exactly. The prognosis was at least a couple of months in the wheelchair, maybe more. This was in addition to the complications that several areas of “road rash,” the size of a sheet of paper, presented.

Learning to Lean.

Then there would be physical therapy to build strength and be able to stand. Christie’s therapy was a one hour plus drive, one way, through nutso traffic, during the morning rush, to have a 2-hour session. The good thing about it was it was only Monday through Friday, with an occasional Saturday. Yep, everyday. That would mean moving closer to the city to save on fuel. It also meant leaving  friends behind as well as 2 years of work.

Learning to Lean.

We found the consensus to be about 3-4 months using a walker or crutches and then on to canes in both hands. At around a year she could expect to walk with one cane. She has done remarkably well in this respect surpassing the timeline every step (pun) of the way. The reason is because during the long difficult therapy sessions she was Learning to Lean. Learning to balance. Learning to walk again. Learning to ignore the residual pain.

Learning to Lean.

She healed and fought her way to walking with only a cane. She learned she would need more surgery. She learned that the substantial damage to her bone resulted in a very poorly aligned joint. This state of misalignment, called Valgus, is responsible for the continuing pain under her knee cap. Left untreated it would be the cause of joint deterioration that would necessitate a knee replacement early. The treatment is to cut a wedge from the femur, basically a miter, and push the bone back together. Distal Femural Osteotomy.

Learning to Lean.

That means essentially starting therapy over. This time the surgery and the recovery are on purpose and not the product of a nearly fatal accident. This time she will have a surgeon that God brought into our lives through happenchance. His providence. This time the future is absent of a premature knee replacement. This time a genuine hope exists for my wife to return to her pre-accident, tri-athlete condition, maybe better. Maybe she could improve on her swimming. Her biking and running were good but her swimming was ugly albeit effective. It was like a taffy puller gone haywire underwater.

Learning to Lean.

Christie is a vibrant, encouraging person with a fervent love of Jesus and others. She makes an auctioneer look like he took a vow of silence. She puts folks at ease so that they trust her and begin to spill their story almost immediately. I know, this kinda sounds like I am trying to get her sponsors like a World Vision kid or secure hits for her E-Harmony profile. Her affection for spending time with the Paraguayan people and inability to do a lot of that with her physical limitations, has caused her suffering. But, these days while we wait on surgery, you can find her seizing any opportunity to be with the people here. She is Learning to Lean on me to walk where necessary. Together, through all that these last few months have offered us, we are…

Learning to Lean…

on Him.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

You can read more about this accident over at the family blog starting in February. You can search the category Leg.

Picture that made me Ramble

This was found at The Holy Observer-A Christian Satire wonderland

Blogs that caused me to Ramble

Holy Soup-Great blog by the founder of Group Publishing

Marusha’s Christian Satire-Thick with satire. Check out the new Mark Driscoll action figure

Confessions of a Funeral Director-This post is trying to bring into focus some blurry boundaries

One Righteous Babe-Just let your worry float away

Subversive1-Great insight on Denomenationalism

Articles that had me Rambling 

Relevant Magazine-Great article on the rise of objectifying women in society

Books that caused me to Ramble 

Not Alone:Stories Of Living With Depression-by Alise Wright-An emotional read to understanding this terrible disease

Night of the Living Dead Christian-by Mike Mikalatos-Humor and analogy to reveal our inner leanings

Kiss-by Ted Dekker and Erin Healy-More great fiction from one of my faves

Churched:One Kid’s Journey Toward God Despite a Holy Mess-Matthew Paul Turner–I super “like” this author-read audio book.

Quote that made me Ramble

It’s amazing what some people can do with virtually no accountability, a light hold on the truth and an audience starved for relevance.

by The Barba

Video that made me Ramble Howl in Laughter

This video was posted on Jon Acuff’s blog. Jon is also the author of Stuff Christians Like.

Don’t forget to check out the rest of Rambling with the Barba.

What’s got you rambling this week?

I didn’t like the idea of having someone funnier than me post here but she’s my wife, meaning she held a certain leverage. She usually blogs about our missionary happenings over at Hagermans on a Mission but decided to sow some oats over here. Beware she is a specialist in the art of the Jesus Juke. So, crack open that can of “Crunk” energy drink you bought from Big Lots and rustle up a bag of Funyuns, sit back and enjoy.

Embracing My Inner White Trash

Don’t hate on me yet.  I happen to despise racial slurs and don’t particularly care to hear people called names of any sort.  But you have to admit that “po’ white trash” carries a certain connotation, a certain je ne sais quoi.  A special redneck mystique that can’t be imitated, though I’m not sure people other than female teenage rock-stars would even try.

I’m coming to the conclusion lately that I kinda like the white trash in me.  Mind you, I’m not full-blown stereotypical or anything, but I got my roots in the right place.  I grew up in a rural area of South Carolina near Charleston, where camping on an island at the lake was my idea of a de-luxe vacation, if we could get the boat to crank. 

I came from a great family, but we weren’t living high on the hog or anything.  Just regular folks gettin’ by.  I never lived in a trailer park, but lots of my friends did, and I never considered that a bad thing.  It just meant your buddies lived close enough to hang with every day.  I ate corned beef hash from a can, Vienna sausages, Spam, and grocery-store brand grape and orange sodas, and on a good day, even enjoyed a bag of Funyuns.  I used an ungodly amount of hairspray and caught crawdads out of the ditch in my front yard.

I was blessed to go to high school in a small school where everybody knew each other.  And when I visit home, a trip to Wal-Mart proves that everybody STILL knows everybody.  We had a pretty even mix of black and white students, and I don’t remember that ever being a problem.  We cut up with each other, but nobody ever had to say, “Can’t we all just get along?”  I was named Miss Swamp Fox the year I graduated, and I never even minded that the word swamp was in that title.

I’ve since moved away and lived in several different places.  I married an upstate boy, made friends all over South Carolina, then later all over the world.  I don’t even live on the same continent anymore.  And every now and then—not often, mind you, but every now and then—I’m tempted to act like somebody I’m not.  I’m tempted to try to dress myself up and act like the kind of people I used to mock poke fun of laugh at wonder about.  Especially if I’ve spent time around snobby conceited more cultured folks.  Now, I’m not talking about how my accent changes when I’m visiting my hometown, or how I may use different words when talking with my cousin than I use when talking with my surgeon, although that does play into it.   I’m talking about forgetting that who I am is just fine.

I’m learning that being po’ white trash does have its benefits.  I actually ENJOY being around farmers who spend their days in the mandioca fields.  I soak up what impoverished people have to say, recognizing that they have much they can teach me.  I like to spend time with the elderly and handicapped, and they don’t make me nervous.  I’m okay with drinking water that’s not 100% pure, eating an animal someone killed in her backyard in honor of my visit, and sitting outside on a stump because my neighbor doesn’t have a chair to offer me.  It’s cool if one door of the Mission Mobile has to be temporarily wired shut with a clothes hanger.

What does scare me is that occasionally it matters to me what folks who aren’t privileged with a hearty white trash background, think about me and mine.  The older I get, the more I appreciate the skin I’m in, and the more I understand the value of liking me.  And as long as the One who made this skin is happy, this slightly white trash chick is content to be who she is, take it or leave it.

What parts about you are really okay, but you sometimes try to change them for other people? 

When she is not making appearances as Miss Swamp Fox, Christie writes our family blog at Hagermans on a Mission. She also has an extensive book review page on that blog as well as the Hammock Librarian fanpage on Facebook. Check her out and drop some comments on her.

Had I realized that there was a possibility of doing mission work using fresh looking space-age polymer exo-skeleton, I would have gone into the field long ago. Who wouldn’t dream of reaching lost people for Christ with a rocket launcher bolted to your shoulder? Talk about a captive audience! How handy would laser rays on your finger tips be when giving a presentation! You could just highlight the area of interest with a glowing red index. I want to experience the confidence of residing in a carbon-fiber, solar-powered safety vest.

I WANT TO BE IN TURBO MISSIONS!!

While you’re here, take a look around at some other posts, maybe even make a few comments.

Jesus Junk International in conjunction with the Beeman R. Eyes Council on Covert Sin bring you a modern marvel from the lab. The brainchild of these two powerhouse Christian entities is a topical cosmetic product sure to alleviate your guilt and cause you to appear more holy. Take a look at this promotional spot soon to be airing on radio and TV stations worldwide:

Have you ever dragged yourself from the bed in the morning and staggered into the bathroom, only to peer into the mirror horrified? It’s not the pipe bomb that apparently had been stashed somewhere in your coiffure during the night. It’s not the military-grade duffels lodged conspicuously under your peepers. No, you’ve got ugly sin blotches all over your face and neck.

You steal a glance at the clock and realize that last night’s foray into the world of “free grace” has caused you to sleep through the alarm clock. You’ve got a scant few minutes to rectify the problem. What do you do? There’s no time to bathe this sin in prayer. The rhythmical click of your timepiece tormentor confirms that washing in the blood of your Savior at this late hour is impossible. Clearly you can’t just waltz into THE First Mega Apostles Assembly of the Friendly Seekers Super Cell Group Church with your face looking like the backside of a baboon from National Geographic. You reach for the CoverAll.

CoverAll is a hypoallergenic product made from plant extracts found trapped in layers of the Dead Sea Scrolls. The unique properties of CoverAll allow it to mask the unsightly striations and discolorations on the skin that are usually associated with unrepented sin. The effects of CoverAll, like many cosmetic products, begin to deteriorate after only a few hours. This should be a sufficient duration to camouflage even the most heinous of offenses till church and the requisite buffet meal afterwards are completed.

There are some side effects you should be aware of. Many experience a temporary relief from guilt. An added benefit to be sure. Some of the negative side effects include but are not limited to nausea and vomiting from anxiety that someone will find out about your sin. Uncontrollable fits of sarcasm-laced rage at those whom you perceive are able to see through the façade. And last, but certainly not least—The Second Death. It has been determined that prolonged use of CoverAll will result in eternal damnation of your soul. CoverAll is meant to be a quick fix not a lifestyle choice.

Finally, don’t feel left out fellas. CoverAll is for everyone, not just the ladies and the metros among us. It comes in a variety of colors and textures to fit almost any situation. For example, the manly man may choose dark brown with a hint of grit. Using this on his hands and face, he can fool his wife into thinking that for the last 3 hours he was changing the oil in the car.

Couple your order of CoverAll with the purchase of a Jesus Jacket and get the Ultimate Concealment Combo discount. Use CoverAll in combination with the Jesus Jacket and even Jerome, the Section B usher where you sit every week, won’t be able to tell you’ve been tainted.

Act now and receive a 20% discount on your next visit to Construct-A-Christ to update your Lord. Jesus walked around 2000 years ago, so surely He needs an update to make Him relevant today.

Jesus Junk International products are only available on the Rambling with the Barba blog site. Our advertising affiliation with a popular Christian broadcast network was severed after an expose’ aired revealing that many of the on-air personalities made liberal use of JJI products.

But the LORD told him, “Samuel, don’t think Eliab is the one just because he’s tall and handsome. He isn’t the one I’ve chosen. People judge others by what they look like, but I judge people by what is in their hearts.” I Samuel 16:7

Are you trying to use CoverAll on your heart? Do you catch yourself covering it up instead of giving it up sometimes?

Ok, it’s not that kind of round-up. There are no cattle or horses in it. No animals were harmed in the writing of this post. I decided that I would do a post every now and then chronicling some of the great content I have been finding. These will include but not be limited to blogs, books, flyers, bathroom wall art, graffiti, instruction manuals poorly translated into English, tweets, Facebook statuses, saintly images formed in food products, advice from random bus riders, and more.

If you have found something good recently drop me an email and let me know a quick run down. Give me a link and I might add it to the next round-up.

Blogs that caused me to Ramble

Confessions of a Funeral Director -Laugh out Loud Photos of Bizarre Funeral Home Names

Jesus Needs New PR -Thought provoking commentary on Pat Robertson’s recent Alzheimer’s Advice.

Mission Frontiers - Great post on poverty. Read the comments as well.

Immeasurably More - Friends of ours in Paraguay on a medical mission.

El Chupacabra Writes - Another good post on poverty.

Modern Reject - Free Sin Day

Books that have me Rambling

Godspace by Doug Pollock - Giving God room to operate

The Gospel: For Here or To Go by Keith Giles - Giles’s books are all free to download

Coffee Shop Conversations by Dale Fincher - Great evangelism guide and compliment to Godspace

Blink by  Ted Dekker - My favorite fiction author.

Field of Blood by Eric Wilson - A close second to Dekker

Quote that had me Rambling

We should probably be called Human Doings instead of Human Beings because we place more attention on what we do instead of who we are. I can’t attribute this to one person as it is in about a million hits on Google.

Photo that had me Rambling

Found this on Jesus Needs New PR blog

Enjoy and don’t forget to tell me about what you’re reading.

You have the right to remain silent.

I’m more partial to the right to bear arms, or the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Back in the day I wanted to “Fight. For my right. To Paaarrrrtay.” But stay silent? I’m just too smart and savvy not to share my wit with the world.  I could sit idly by and not say a word. That’s what the District Attorney wants. I am not sure if we should though. We are encouraged numerous times in the Bible to “go and tell”. Tell about what? The Gospel, of course, but if we won’t shut our traps about that then the DA flips on us and encourages us to fill every silent second with sound.

Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

Anything? Did you say anything? So, in the course of my “sharing” of the gospel if I also give a few freelance, Biblically-based tips and hints on how to live a proper Christian life, they can be used to prosecute me; even if this sage advice is solidly based in segmented scripture and the infallible study of the finest scholars on the internet? What about when I am not employing a Jesus Juke or tossing evangelism bombs? Will the things I say be transcribed for later use? I am sorry to say “Yessiree.” It does say anything. The truth is, we are advised to hold every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. A tall order to be sure, especially if we don’t want to take our right to silence. All that unbridled blabbing will surely conjure up a world of unrestricted day dreams…I’m guessing, of course.

You have the right to have an attorney present now and during any future questioning.

Every day we are in what the legal types call discovery. Our lives are being scrutinized and the prosecutor is taking notes. Oh sure, the final deliberations have not taken place yet but sooner or later we are served a subpoena and learn we are being indicted. At this point we will discover that the accuser is saying some pretty nasty stuff about us. In fact, he has been intent on poisoning the Judge against us day and night all our lives.

Things get tricky here. Foolishly, we decide to represent ourselves. We ignore the old saying, “A man that represents himself has a fool for a client” and press on.  After reviewing the evidence we find that there is no defense. Why? Because we, in fact, did it! Third, the bylaws of the court state that there is a fee for presenting a case in front of the Judge and we are broke. The good news is that we have time before the trial to craigslist and Ebay some junk to generate some funds. The bad news is that no matter what you sell you can’t pay the price.

 If you cannot afford an attorney, one w`ill be appointed to you free of charge if you wish.

Your case number could be selected at any moment and you can’t secure your place in court. The only real choice is to throw yourself on the mercy of the court. You need a lawyer and a good one at that; one that can find a way around admitting all of the damning evidence against you. The Judge, in accordance with the Standards of the court, provides such an Advocate at no cost to you. It turns out this attorney works Pro Bono.

Are you making full use of your Rights? Do you talk too much? Is it hard to “hold every thought captive?”